For me it will always be Philippines and England. Before, I thought I only had to choose one but now I know that I wouldn’t want to have it any other way.
Some people always ask me why did I move back? Do you like it better there? How was it like? And many other questions that now sound monotonous to my ears. As if my answer would validate what they’ve always thought of Europe or just life abroad in general. My answer could somehow make or break their daydreams.
I always politely say that my reasons are mine alone and try to move on to another topic. Most people don’t know I came from abroad and I like it like that. With others, I don’t really mind. Back to the question about my life there, it’s a bit iffy.I tend to be brutally honest about it; I tell them about how it will all depend on the cards that you will be dealt. It’s fun, exciting, and surprising at times. The memories I made and will make on trips back will be near and dear. Although, you also could not take away the tears that I have cried.
Could be the environment we grew up in change the way we view life abroad? Even the kids who are fortunate enough to travel seem to have a charmed outlook on it. Perhaps its our age differences that’s also showing here, my life hasn’t been the easiest, and the rose coloured glasses have long been taken away from me.
When I tell them the truth, some nod in understanding that maybe its not all that. They understand that it will have the good, bad, and the ugly. Whilst others carry on unloading their preconceived notions and perhaps daydream about it too. I just let them be, London is lovely afterall.
Though, I trully hope that in this lifetime, they would see that there is something great about feeling love for your own country and that the sense of nationalism should come from within. How do you expect others to be proud of where they came from, when you choose not to do it yourself?
Not saying where I am from when you first meet me became sort of a defense mechanism; I would rather that you know me first and make judgement calls once you’ve known me, not just where I came from. It makes life easier for everyone.
I miss England, especially during nights such as this. Cool monsoon winds remind me of crisp autumn mornings that I love. However, my heart feels happy to be home too, after being away for so long.
The grass won’t always be green+er on the other side, you just have to work with what you’ve got.
Just keep smiling,