Home is…


For me it will always be Philippines and England. Before, I thought I only had to choose one but now I know that I wouldn’t want to have it any other way. 

Some people always ask me why did I move back? Do you like it better there? How was it like? And many other questions that now sound monotonous to my ears.  As if my answer would validate what they’ve always thought of Europe or just life abroad in general. My answer could somehow make or break their daydreams. 

I always politely say that my reasons are mine alone and try to move on to another topic. Most people don’t know I came from abroad and I like it like that. With others, I don’t really mind. Back to the question about my life there, it’s a bit iffy.I tend to be brutally honest about it; I tell them about how it will all depend on the cards that you will be dealt. It’s fun, exciting, and surprising at times. The memories I made and will make on trips back will be near and dear. Although, you also could not take away the tears that I have cried. 

Could be the environment we grew up in change the way we view life abroad? Even the kids who are fortunate enough to travel seem to have a charmed outlook on it. Perhaps its our age differences that’s also showing here, my life hasn’t been the easiest, and the rose coloured glasses have long been taken away from me. 

When I tell them the truth, some nod in understanding that maybe its not all that. They understand that it will have the good, bad, and the ugly. Whilst others carry on unloading their preconceived notions and perhaps daydream about it too. I just let them be, London is lovely afterall. 
Though, I trully hope that in this lifetime, they would see that there is something great about feeling love for your own country and that the sense of nationalism should come from within. How do you expect others to be proud of where they came from, when you choose not to do it yourself? 

Not saying where I am from when you first meet me became sort of a defense mechanism; I would rather that you know me first and make judgement calls once you’ve known me, not just where I came from. It makes life easier for everyone. 

I miss England, especially during nights such as this. Cool monsoon winds remind me of crisp autumn mornings that I love. However, my heart feels happy to be home too, after being away for so long. 

The grass won’t always be green+er on the other side, you just have to work with what you’ve got. 

Just keep smiling, 


Just keep swimming 

Maybe I was wrong when I said that I might not get most of the freshmen, the thing is, I actually do. Although I still am the batch “Ate” and I am fine with that. 

The past few weeks have been a mash-up of tears, laughter, craziness, and not getting enough sleep as always. I learned that failing Math or Spanish won’t be the worst thing ever, as long as I do my best to study harder next time. It won’t be easy as my brain seems to still think that its on gap year mode. Countless nights of crying led me to the realisation that this journey would be tougher than what I how thought it would originally be.

 It’s difficult but not impossible. 

I also decided to join an org, maybe this will make the transition a bit easier on me. I just have to get through the activities and other things. 

Perhaps this lone wolf has finally found a pack to join. 

Keep on smiling 

First week at UP Diliman: suspended classes, looking for classrooms & getting lost, and finally feeling like you belong somewhere.  

Classes have officially started! Hello 7 am classes and copious amounts of coffee. 

16 Freshmen for Political Science.

 Small but mighty. 

Very intersting as well. 

 Being a bit older than them (note: I am probably the same age as the juniors or seniors…) sometimes I couldn’t relate to what they’re talking about, but I do look forward to knowing them and seeing how they will grow in UP. Though I am not in their block as I enrolled later than them but that’s alright. We would have opportunities to do things outside of the campus anyway. If we have the time, of course.  

Not being in a block section gives me the opportunity to meet more people in different courses and year levels. It forces me to get out there and actually mingle (The introvert in me freaked out at this concept but nonetheless, I still pushed through. Afterall, no man is an island). It has been a pretty colourful week thus far. Different characters have finally introduced themselves in this chapter of my life. One can say that I am grateful for it, even if I have hesitations. 

With a campus as large as ours, you will definitely bump into people that you wouldn’t normally be around in everyday situations. That’s the good thing about college; the possibilities are endless, as cliché as that sounds, it is true. You are allowed to re-invent yourself and just be you without any hesitation. Maybe having experienced “real life”, this feels less of a liberating experience but more of a fulfillment of things that I have always wanted to do. Do I feel like I finally belong? Yes, slowly but surely, we are getting there. I have done enough soul searching that I KNOW this is where I want and need to be right now. 

Perhaps a week may not be enough to actually say what I feel about the people around me yet, although I know that there are definitely some of them that would stay in my life. Friendships are hard to forge at this age, though you should never close your doors to opportunities to make a difference in people’s lives. Who knows, maybe they might end up changing yours for the better. 
The rain has been relentless; welcome back to the Philipines, a place where college students tend to be waterproof according to officials. And Math may just kick my butt this semester, seeing as I did not choose to continue it in Sixth Form. However, I refuse to let this change the way I feel about things. 

A little rain never hurt anyone, nor did a bit of Algebra. 

Keep on smiling. 


P.S: to all my fellow students braving the Metro Manila traffic everyday like I do-stay safe and dry people! 

Mind and Heart (Utak at Puso) 

This photo was taken just after I enlisted all the classes I needed. Some of you may be wondering why there are not a lot of people; I’m a freshie so, alongside the graduating students, we had priority on the first day.  It was pretty much touch and go for the most part. Aside from the long waiting time and queues for getting a PE class, it was a pretty interesting day. 
It still hasn’t sunk in that I am going to UP. Since our move abroad, I’ve looked at other universities around me but still kept a small part of my heart for this school. A little spark.
Aimee said that perhaps the dreams of our 10 year old selves might have just taken its time to come to fruition. We both wanted to go to UAAP schools. UST was hers, UP was my choice. (Actually she wanted Ateneo for reasons that I probably shouldn’t say.  Haha 😝)

Waiting for this to happen took years. The last 2 years of waiting for things to fall into place was complete torture. I felt lost and confused but now it is all clear. A bit of a roller coaster ride but its doable. Anything is possible if you have faith and perseverance. 

I’m still waiting if I will go into shock or something, but maybe I won’t cos after all I waited for this for a long time. Monday is orientation day and the start of this school year. I honestly have no idea what I need or want to do but all know is that I am excited, perhaps a bit scared, of all the things that could and would happen this year. 

If you ask anyone, they would say that UP is something else. Hopefully I have what it takes to keep up with it. Everything is still surreal, hence why I could not put my thoughts into words. Maybe once classes actually start, I would have my some more coherent things to say.Right now, I’m still coming down from the limbo I was in. 

It’s been a while since I was this excited for anything that was not book related. 

 Keep smiling 



See you later London. Hello again Manila.

It has been about 3 weeks since I left England to pursue my studies. I went back to Manila to do it.

I would not bore you with what has happened that led to this decision. Trust me, if you did not or have not been through the same dilemma then my words would just  sound like another sob story to you. Yes, I know this is a crazy decision as some would not understand why I would want to go but if you were in my shoes and it was the only option, would you not want to take it?

I travelled alone. At first, a part of me wondered if I was brave enough to do this. Turns out, yes, yes I am. I miss my parents everyday but I know they wanted this for me too. The least I could do is to give it my all. The flight was direct to Manila, so I just slept through most of it and just prayed that the turbulence would not be too bad.

It’s a major change in my life. One that I was really itching to tell people about in the beginning; the only thing stopping me was the fear of failing. Again. Mostly it was me putting pressure on to myself that this time, it has to be perfect. That this time, there are no other second chances; this is my second chance and I won’t waste it. I am not entirely leaving my life in England behind entirely, just for the majority of the year. So travelling back and forth would be part of my life for the next 4 years.

Last week, I was also in Singapore with our aunts. To say that it has been an adventure is an understatement. I didn’t plan the trip so I couldn’t complain about it. Let’s just say that the next time that I am there, things would probably go smoother.

The past few weeks have been a blur of jeepney rides to the university and making sure that everything is in order before the semester starts. Taking care of family matters also happened. each family is dysfunctional, I just believe that mine is extra dysfunctional.

Although I am tired and probably lacking more hours of sleep than what I intend to admit, I must say that I am happy with my decision. Gone are the days when I am loosing sleep because of wondering what to do next? Where was my life headed? Did I know what I want to do?

Stagnant moments are finally over and the adventure officially begins. Location: University of the Philippines, Diliman. My first choice of university back in elementary school. One that I kept in a corner of my heart when I moved abroad, only to find myself there a few years later.

Life works in mysterious ways.

I planned a longer, more elaborate entry than this, though I think for now this would suffice. All y’all need to know is that I am happy.


Keep on smiling









10/06/2016: London with the couples

Otherwise known as fifth wheeling.

To be perfectly honest, I  wouldn’t have agreed to go if it wasn’t for the fact that it was the only day that I could do as work is a bit hectic at that time (even now). Plus, I haven’t seen Alice and Tasha for a while now so I suppose meeting up with them wouldn’t be too bad. (translation; I  miss them even though they’re CRAZY 😛 )

Got to St Pancras and was surprised to see a ton of people; that’s when I realised that EUFA was starting that day  and it was to be expected. Hey, I’m not as updated with things as I want to be.

Once introductions have been done and a little chat in Starbucks (I say little, but we probably stayed there for a good half hour) we made our way to Camden, and as expected, it was as gloriously weird as ever. It was also the time where I found out that whilst I adore 50’s style clothes, it is every evil and unforgiving. Especially when you have big boobs. Or maybe I have to give it another try some other time because I do love the look of them. Around lunch time, the sun was shining and the temperature was definitely around 20-22 degrees Celsius. Because it wasn’t as warm when I got the train, I decided on jeans-T-shirt-sneakers combo (which made Ryan conclude that I probably don’t own any dresses. I do own them, I just like pockets a lot, okay) I realised the error of my ways and went on a hunt for shorts. I have never been more thankful to see an H&M store in my life. This also made me  miss shopping with Alice, although I  wouldn’t admit that in person.

After that, we decided to head on to St James’ park and have a little rest. It was nice to see the dynamics of both couples; one who is a year into their relationship and the other just a little after their 6 month mark. Were they sickly sweet? Sometimes, but I learned to tune that out a long time ago. There were funny moments and it was nice that both were engaging. So maybe I didn’t feel much of a fifth wheel after all. Though I did get bored for a bit, hence why I made a list for this blog post during said rest at the park.

Fast forward to saying our farewells and making plans on when to meet again, it made me realise how much I miss having them around. That’s why moments with them are always cherished.

Now that I got this out of my system, can I get back to my normal programming?

Too much emotions…

Keep smiling  🙂


MCM London steward: tiring, fun, and crazy


“The floor is lava!”

I first went to MCM in 2014 with my friends. It was fun; it was the place where all your geekiness can be shown and trust me, you probably won’t be the weirdest one there.Plus there’s a ton of things that you could buy (you just have to remember to bring cash with you)  A year later (2015), I decided to volunteer for them, purely because I didn’t know when my friends would go and I wanted to find out what it feels to be in the other side of the event.

My first day last year, I was stationed at Comic Village and I met many talented illustrators and some of them even became my friends. I actually didn’t mind standing around for 3 hours because of the conversations that we had. I ended it with meeting Sarah J Maas who is one of my favourite people in the planet for writing the Throne of Glass series.

The next two days was just crazy. Between having some of  the cast from Agents of Shield and John Noble in the building, we also had Willa Holland doing a coffee run for herself. You can just imagine how crazy that was. On the Saturday I was lucky enough to meet Emily Wickersham from NCIS along with Barrett Foa and Renee Felice Smith from NCIS LA. My family and I are big fans of both shows, so when I told this to Barrett during a break in his photo shoot, I got an impromptu hug and was even granted a selfie from all three afterwards. It was a dream come true and I didn’t shut up about it for a long time (Bonus: Barrett and Renee sang “Johanna” to me…the only time that I will probably allow people to sing this to me). It was also the same day that I did a full day as a steward; some people only do 4-5 hours max. but because my friend’s (whom I met whilst doing my shift) are crazy we do the whole day. Which involves countless hours on your feet and probably not getting any decent breaks at all. Because I am crazy (and so are my friends) we did it again in October-it wasn’t as crazy as May but it’s still pretty insane.

Fast forward to last weekend; another 3 days of doing the same thing, this time, for even longer hours. It was nice to see familiar faces not just with the stewards and crew but also the people that just go to the con. John Noble was just as lovely as he was the last time. Tom Mison was also there and I had a little fangirl moment on Friday.Elizabeth Henstridge is a sweetheart and this time, I don’t think Willa Holland went for a coffee run but we did have to search for her again on Sunday.  This year we had Kunal Nayyar and Melissa Rauch(Raj and Bernadette) from Big Bang Theory who were pretty awesome. Jesse Eisenberg is probably one of the sweetest people on the  planet. Just saying.

My NCIS LA fangirl heart was leaping for joy cos I finally witnessed the amazing dynamics between Eric Christian Olsen and Daniella Ruah (#Densi4life). The banter, the jokes, and  just overall presence of these two made their photo shoot a fun one.When daniella had to fix Eric’s hair  I had to relay a message to Eric from my mother about his hair; I told Daniella that my  mama also thinks that he needs a haircut and that the  hair is just hopeless sometimes. She laughed and said she’d tell him. I think she didn’t find this surprising since most people were saying the same thing, that whilst his hair is pretty awesome, it is quite manic. I hope to see them again in the next events, and perhaps, just maybe, we may have the whole cast next time. *Wishful thinking*

To be perfectly honest, the weekend was a blur.A blur of different actors that we’re all just as nice as you thought they would be and new people that I met whom I plan on keeping in touch with. For the people that ask me why I do this, and why do I do it for the whole 3 days, I  suppose the only answer I could give you is that, it’s not just having the opportunity of meeting actors and being less than 5 feet away from them most of the time. It’s also meeting like minded people to share the laughs,  the struggles,  and hugs with. Being with people to complain about how some people don’t get that the floor is lava and they can’t step on it. With people like that on your side, the countless hours of standing and not having proper food and only running on caffeine and sugar, is nothing. They make the experience even better.You also gain lifelong friends that you wouldn’t have met otherwise. Plus, seeing the fans be happy is also a good consolation; from one fangirl to another, I know how important that moment is for a fan. It also warms my heart whenever they thank you for doing little things such as keeping a photo  for them or just making sure that they are okay.

I just couldn’t see myself going to another MCM event and not help out.

Maybe to other people this still doesn’t justify it all but hey, maybe you should try it one time. Just to see how we manage to make everything work properly even though we sometimes want to just curl up into a ball in a corner from all the stress. You may even want to come back. Again, and again, and again..


With that being said, I guess I’ll see you all in the next MCM event.

Keep on being awesome.


Coffee Shop Music

Now Playing: Random coffee shop playlist from YouTube.

This kind of music calms me down and helps me think. Especially during this week where I won’t get another break until next Tuesday (I hope). Although Friday, Saturday, and Sunday would be comic con, it’s still a job, albeit a fun one.

I should probably try to get as much sleep as I can tonight; it’s going to be a long  week ahead.







A delayed first post…

Now Playing: With You by MYMP

Debated for so long if having a blog would be good, especially when I already have a Tumblr  (mostly fandom stuff. ALL THE FEELS) and a Wattpad account (original works and fanfics), but I realised that I didn’t exactly have a space where I can just blab about nonsense in my life.

So we find ourselves here. Hi!

Change is coming and it’s all happening too fast around me. My dear BFF said that it is to make up for the time that my life was stagnant and uneventful. Maybe she’s right, though it doesn’t make it any less terrifying. I can’t exactly write about said change, purely because I don’t have any words for the onslaught of emotions I feel. Plus, we don’t want to jinx it. I’m a bit rusty with this blogging business, so whoever is reading this, I apologise for the boring syntax formations and content.

For now, I think I’m just going to continue listening to music and maybe put a dent on my reading list. MCM London is in two weeks so I better get things sorted out. Looking at the amazing list of people who are going to be there, I won’t have enough time to fangirl or eat. But it’s all worth it, I swear!

Have an amazing and blessed Sunday everyone.

Keep smiling.